just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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