You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
