You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
