Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
