I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
