Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
