you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
