This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
