So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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