Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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