I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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