The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
