I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize