I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize