I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
