I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize