first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
