haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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