weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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