hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
