we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
