I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
