You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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