remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
