do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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