You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
