so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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