I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
