Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
