It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
