So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is Oprah even human
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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