Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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