At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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