I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
