I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
