vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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