There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
