remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
