I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
