dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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