ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
