I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
