A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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