he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
