he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
