Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
