I just pynch a tree in the face
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
