On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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