Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
did you get engaged???
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
