I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
