Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
