How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
false alarm, still single
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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