Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
