I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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