if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Alive.
So much puke
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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