You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
