no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The uberlube is also flammable
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
