Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
