And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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