i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
