Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize