the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
