I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
