Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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