9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize