She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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