Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
