you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
