ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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