yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
