Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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