I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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