Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
