the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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