i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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