Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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