His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
