i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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