I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize