Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
These tits shall not be calmed
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
