he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
