i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
