You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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