I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You are a genius and a whore.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
