I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
