Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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