im so drunk with asians
where?
always
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
