After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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