its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
