Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
